Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Mary is a liquor whore

            “Mary! Mary! Maaaaaaaary!! Where are you?”
          “I’m just over here being happeeeeeey!”.
“How can you keep stuffing your cheeks with that… that filth! You’ll gain five pounds just by eating one of those things!
            “Its just foie gras, and its soooo good. Here, try some!”
            “No I would not thank you, you’re being impossible Mary. Look, right now, you have a full cabernet (sauvignon) in your right hand, and fucking duck liver in your left What do you think is going to become of this?”
            “But, but, I feel fine! Everyone feels fine! You’re fine! Haha… Well, except for that betty bitch Sylvia… cunt…”
            Ballroom of the Venetian. Christ. What a place to throw up in, AHEM Mary... Anyways, it was warmer than usual, the AC had cut out, so the wedding guests retired to the patio where there was a nice refreshing pool and mini bar. The sound of mingling filled the air; sipping casually on wine glasses and laughter. Mary was the most beautiful face in the room: Black flowing hair, a smile that would melt a man’s heart. Normally, she attracts one hundred percent of the attention anywhere she goes, but her sister, the bride, was taking it away from her, but it was her sister’s night rightfully so. As a result, Jealousy filled Mary’s conscious.
            “Look, here’s some water from the mini bar to help you calm down. I’m going over to get you some Pepto to help with the, throwy-uppy, erm, so you stay here and don’t do anything stupid,?”
            Mary listened as contently as a soldier doing drill.
            “Your wish is my command Sire!”
            Nobody was in the pool swimming. What better way to attract attention besides taking off your clothes off. The pool was in the middle of the entire party, the bride (sister) and groom sitting right in front of it… perfect.
            “AHEM. A toast to the bride and groom-
            “Oh god Mary what are you doing?”
            “To my sister! Cheers!
            Everybody raised their glasses in harmony to toast the newlyweds. While everyone was downing their cheap concierge wines, Mary tripped over her own feet, landing face first into the adjacent swimming pool. Ouch.

5 comments: